Divorce lawyers see a lot of failed relationships dealing with hundreds of cases throughout their careers. In my career to date I would say the following characteristics feature in most relationships at some point but if you recognise two or three of these then you may need to carefully think about ways to improve the situation.
1. Lack of communication
Simply not talking about issues or problems in a relationship does not mean that the relationship will break down but it is a significant factor in relationship breakdown long term if there is a continuous lack of communication when it matters. Many of us know the old adage “never go to sleep on an argument”.
2. You should, you must, you always or you never…..
Criticising your partner can easily become a habit – it shouldn’t. If you find yourself saying any of the above or they are present in almost every conversation then things are not good. It is particularly worrying if it happens in the presence of anyone else (especially your children). If you cannot break this habit and things quickly descend into an argument then think about counselling. The absence of laughter between partners and the presence of mutual embarrassment is almost always the condition of a struggling relationship. If your relationship has reached this point, things are definitely in trouble and it might be a good time to seek help.
3. He’s stopped making an effort
Not making an effort includes forgetting birthdays and anniversaries but it also includes small things like what you wear every day and failing to do the little things that your partner appreciates. Everyone makes many small choices every day and if you make decision without considering you partner then this may be a sign that you are no longer “trying”. A simple “you look great in that” or “What do you think….” goes a long way in any relationship.
Some people are more naturally private individuals but if your partner refuses to share information with you such as financial details or details of where they were and who they were with then it’s not unusual for partners to become suspicious whether there is any basis for it or not. Checking your partner’s mobile phone, Facebook or post are not good signs and might say more about you in the relationship and not your partner. Good relationships are built on honesty and openness.
5. The grass is greener
Being in a relationship isn’t always easy and involves a lot of compromise. When the going gets tough in a relationship it is easy to look back on your former life as a singleton and think it was so much better. Even old relationships look better. Past memories however are unreliable and no one truly sees the strengths of any relationship when times are tough. It is so much easier to find fault.
6. Having an affair
The grass was greener after all? Whatever your reasons for having an affair it is very hard to come back when you have had one, even if you come to the conclusion that it was not worth the cost so be very careful.
7. Violence and substance abuse
It is my experience that relationships with either of these two elements are the most challenging. Most people’s advice is to “get out”. Easier said than done. There are support services available.
If however, you have reached the stage where the relationship has broken down it is always advisable to seek advice. If you would like to speak to me please contact Randal Buckley on 020 8956 2655 or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.