How to tell Your Child That You Are Going to Separate or Divorce by Venisha Shah - The Law House Family Law Solicitors, London & Peterborough

How to tell Your Child That You Are Going to Separate or Divorce by Venisha Shah

By in All Blogs, Family Law Category on June 16th, 2014

Are you worrying about tell your child that you and their other parent are splitting up or getting a divorce?Do you want to minimise the stress and upset to your child?Then you should read this blog.

How you tell your child is probably the most important task that faces you if you are about to separate or initiate a divorce. You have both made the decision to separate but you want your child to feel secure and understand what’s happening while knowing that they can come to you to ask any questions.

How to tell your child that you’re breaking up…

When possible, present a united front.Both sit down and both explain the following:

1.What will change: “You will now have two houses to live in”

2.What will be the same: “We both still love you and will work together to bring you up”

3.When will the change take place: “I will be moving out on Friday and I will see you again on Saturday”

Keep it simple!Don’t overload your child with information.Stay positive and resist the urge to blame your ex; that won’t help your child feel secure with the upcoming changes.

When a child is worried they can create fantasies to help them cope

It is thought that The Wizard of Oz and ET are written from the point of view of a child who is experiencing the breakdown of a family; presumably a child who has not understood or has felt worried by what was happening.

“There’s no place like home” says Dorothy.However, during The Wizard of Oz we see her home being uprooted and flying off in a tornado!A true broken home by anyone’s definition.

“ET phone home”.When you think about this film it is plain to see that to ET our planet, earth, can be seen as the new home.ET loves Elliot and has fun but feels like he doesn’t quite belong on earth, in the same way a child can feel when visiting a parent at their new home.

The way you handle this conversation with your child is vital and you need to make sure that you take the time to prepare what you’re going to say.Make sure that you reassure your child that this is a decision for adults.It’s not something that they can change and it’s not your child’s fault for the breakdown of your relationship.Also, be prepared to answer questions and reassure your child that they can talk and ask questions anytime.

At The Law House we can advise you on all aspect of family law.For more information please contact me Venisha Shah on 020 8899 6620 or email me at