What Would I Do Differently If I Had To Get Divorced Again?


What Would I Do Differently If I Had To Get Divorced Again? by Venisha Shah

By in All Blogs, Family Law Category on July 11th, 2013

Over 40% of marriages end in divorce. Second marriages fare much better in the divorce statistics. This suggests that a lot of lessons about marriage and relationships are learned first time around. However, if those hard learned lessons arenot followed subsequent relationships could meet the same fate as the first marriage. I therefore think it’s helpful to share some comments clients have made to me at the end of their divorce which are helpful to bare in mind when embarking upon divorce proceedings;

  • Stay civil with your spouse, if at all possible

I know what you are thinking. It seems like impossible advice to follow given the reason you’re getting divorced is because you can no longer agree about what day it is, never mind about who gets custody of the pet parrot. However, heeding this advice may save you much time, money and heartache. Divorce lawyers regularly relay messages, not legal in nature, between parties but if those issues were discussed and agreed directly between you, it could reduce legal fees and resolve matters quicker. My advice is if you can grin and bear it, until the divorce is over, it may pay dividends in the long run.

  •  Don’t sweat the small stuff

Your partner may have done things which make your blood boil. It is tempting to argue over minor issues to stop them getting their own way (again!) However, this is both costly and stressful. You can spend so much on legal fees arguing over who gets the peg bag that you could have treated yourself to a Gucci tote bag (well, almost!). If you identify what is really important to you and let the other things go, you will come out at the other end a saner person with a healthier bank balance!

  •  Be honest with your solicitor

Your solicitor is not there to judge you so don’t feel that you have to hide any relevant details of your relationship or separation because you feel embarrassed. A divorce is a major event in your personal life so it follows that some things you need to tell your solicitor will be of a personal nature. It’s far better that you put your solicitor in the picture so that you can be properly advised and prepared.

  •  Keep Calm, Compromise and Co-operate

Divorce is a process that usually involves negotiation, compromise and co-operation. You will probably find that if you concede on certain points that are of less importance to you, you may invite flexibility from your spouse in relation to the issues which are really important to you. By conceding some of the smaller issues you may come out of the process feeling that you have achieved what you wanted with regards to the bigger picture.

If you are thinking about getting divorced for the first or possibly second time and you would like some legal advice please contact Venisha Shah on 0208899 6620 or contact her at vshah@thelawhouse.com