It has to be one of the most frequently asked questions or source of a joke when I first meet people and tell them what I do. I say ‘I’m a family lawyer, I divorce people.’Everyone laughs particularly when I am with my husband. Inevitably, they turn to my husband and comment that he will never look at another woman.I wish he would say he wouldn’t anyway, that I am the love of his life, but he always seems to make some comment about his pension instead….. Perhaps he does listen to what I say….
Recently though I was talking to my colleagues about how our jobs do affect our relationships.They were all highly amused when I told them I often ask my husband whether he minds me putting on my pyjamas when it is only 7pm to lounge around in until it really is time to go to bed.He always looks at me slightly bemused at why I would ask such a silly question.The truth is I want to make sure he doesn’t think I can’t be bothered to make the effort anymore.Too often I have heard client’s tell me they just’ don’t fancy their partner’, that their partner has ‘let themselves go’, that the ‘spark has gone’.So I guess the answer is yes, being a divorce lawyer does affect my marriage.I am always conscious that you do have to make the effort in relationships to prevent it from going stale. Thankfully, not looking your best is not cited as a cause of divorce!
My colleagues did point out that in many divorce cases we see there is more to it than just a person doesn’t fancy their partner anymore. This is true, relationships and people’s feelings about their relationship are a lot more complex than that.Inevitably that may be one of the reasons given but in reality there is a far more significant or underlying reason for the breakdown of their relationship.
What I would say is that being a family lawyer and seeing people who are in the process of separating or getting a divorce reminds me that relationships are not forever.Relationships do break down for whatever reason, people do fall in love with someone else, and people die.I am acutely aware that I must make sure I can survive and support my children if my marriage did breakdown or my husband sadly died.
So perhaps the biggest impact my chosen career has had on my relationship is that I think about it a lot.I remind myself I should not take my husband, our relationship or our lifestyle for granted.
If your relationship has sadly come to an end and you need some good practical legal advice as to your options in relation to separation and divorce, please contact me, Sara Barnes on 01245 809 556 or firstname.lastname@example.org